Imago Relationship Therapy, is a model of
therapy developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. It
recognizes that the inherent nature of human
beings is what Jung described as a "push towards
wholeness". That wholeness contains qualities of
a self actualized person: spontaneity and
creativity, acceptance of self and others, and
ability to tolerate and even welcome uncertainty
in life, a need to have both solitude and deep
intense relationships, a sense of humor, caring
and compassion for others, inner direction, and
an open and fresh attitude toward life.
Throughout our development as human beings, that
wholeness is fragmented through socialization
and developmental experiences with others. The
ultimate goal of the work that couples and
individuals do in Imago Relationship Therapy is
to assist in repairing the wounded or injured
aspects of that original state, and reclaim the
whole self that can more passionately and
vibrantly express itself in life and in
relationship.
Imago Therapy is an effective way of helping
couples and individuals learn skill sets to live
more consciously, be heard and understood, while
further developing abilities to give and receive
safety and love. They learn tools for deeper
connection and ability to live in full
aliveness.
These tools also create more fulfillment in all
aspects of life, work, play, family.
You deserve to experience love, intimacy,
connection, romance, and have a fulfilling,
loving relationship with your partner. The
problem is very few of us were ever taught the
necessary skills to do that. You may not know it
now, but problems in relationships are normal,
and often even predictable. The good news is
there are answers.
Imago Therapy is a therapy rooted in the Latin
word "Image". We all carry a composite image of
the significant character traits and behaviors
of childhood caretakers. This is the same image
we are drawn to in our mates. It is called 'familiar' love. While that information has a lot to
do with whom we get in relationship with, and
how we act when we are with them, it is largely
unconscious. After all, who would want to choose
a partner that could provoke or project us into
the same helpless, scary feelings we at times
had in childhood. Most parents try hard, and
most mean well. But no parent is perfect and no
parent can be there for us all the time so we
adapt. In adulthood those adaptations become
defenses. But because we have an inherent need
for growth, connection and self-completion, most
of us will keep doing what we always did and
getting what we always got, then feel slighted
or complain or withdraw when things don't go our
way. This experience of "familiar" love with
our partners is meant to force us to grow and
heal in ways we were either unable to, or
perceived we were unable to, in childhood to
make us learn differently, but who is there to
teach us? We often grow up acting like big
children in relationship with our mates. We
accuse them of being over involved, controlling,
abandoning, and/or neglectful. As children, we
are tender, precious, and insatiable. No parent
is perfect. Some are actually hurtful. So there
we have it. Our unconscious Imago is born. And
we grow up vowing to live happily ever after
only finding ourselves feeling misunderstood,
lonely, arguing, isolating and/or confused.
Fortunately, this is not the way we were meant
to live. Imago therapy and/or Getting the Love
You Want - a weekend workshop-- teaches us
differently giving us relief, joy and hope.
So, Imago therapy helps us learn powerful ways
to share, communicate, build safety, trust,
passion, fun, and joy. We learn how to heal the
pain of the past, stop recreating feelings of
upset, discontent, insecurity, etc. Imago
therapy focuses on building trust, teaching us
how to have compassion, communicate and interact
without fear or shame, but with empathy and
love. We build what we all wanted when we
partnered in the first place, a safe haven, a
team; our own team. We gain places to rejoice,
feel our feelings, be accepted, and grow. Imago
therapy teaches people to be more honest about
their needs and understand themselves as well as
their partners. This allows growth and empathy
prompting partners to become interdependent, not
dependent and also not independent. Instead,
Imago therapy helps people become balanced and
connected, accepting, loving, open, willing to
risk, play and deal with tough issues. Imago
therapy helps people learn how to resolve
conflict. Most of all, Imago therapy gives
couples the tool bag to heal the pain of the
past and look forward to the future. People feel
better about themselves, their relationships and
as a byproduct, thankfully--- become more
available, attuned and intentional parents as
well.
All of us interact with someone. Our Imago is
most often seen in intimate relationships but
affects all of our interactions. Imago therapy
helps us become better partners, spouses,
parents, coworkers, neighbors, etc. For more
information about Imago Therapy, see
www.imagorelationships.org.
